Let’s learn how to NOT fall in love! Well, let’s try!

We’re not Rihanna, we won’t find love in a hopeless place, a.k.a Tinder.

A dramatic b***h. Hypercritical of every situation. Overtly obsessed with the outcome, which would presumably be negative.

An amazing Tinder bio

They say love is like a drug, I say addiction is bad. They say love is a magical feeling, well the essence of magic is to play tricks and fool people. Love is a funny thing. It’s all about their current S.O laughing at your texts.

This is going to be honest, sarcastic and upfront. If I wanted a veil, I’d write in my physical diary.

It all starts with a “hi“. That’s exactly what Ross had as his opening dialogue in FRIENDS. To this date, I feel bad for Rachel. #IHeartJoey&Rachel

On a serious note, we’ve endured so many heartbreaks and that’s because we wear our heart on our sleeves. That’s anatomically f****d up but hey, as long as it’s pumping blood.

Please understand, it’s not essential to fall in love. For all you know, you could be Aromantic. If you’re uneducated, I could enlighten you but I feel Google would do a better job.

Here’s how to NOT fall in love or maybe fall OUT of love. (Someone might want to). Please note this is not backed by research, just experiences. Please note further, I haven’t tried them.

• Don’t text them. It’s that simple. What would you even text them about? The weather or how you’ve deleted countless texts before sending “What’s up?”. They’ve moved on/ they’re uninterested which brings me to my second point.

• Move on. And you know what’s the best way to do that? Read the first three words of the previous point.

• Don’t always ask them what they’re upto! You’re not children. Act like adults. Post pictures to get their attention. Check if they’ve watched your stories. Send them memes. Listen to their rants on topics you’ve no clue about. Tell them that you’d do anything for them. No wait, wrong draft.

• Don’t try to learn their interests. If you’ve to go out on a limb to get a decent reply, that’s a clue in itself. Black is their favourite colour. And? What will you do about it? Change it to purple?

• You say you love to read. When will you learn to read their uninterested behaviour. Your self esteem is extremely important unless you want to butcher it, then by all means, dance with the devil.

• Don’t look for a fairytale romance. Cinderella endured slavery before losing her goddamn shoe! No guy is out there looking for a foot to fit the shoe! A foot to lick, yes! The point is, some of us can’t even look for a pair of socks! No mom, I know where my socks are.

• Lastly, don’t ask whether they’ve eaten! Do you plan to feed them? If you’re passionate about feeding the hungry. Go volunteer & donate.

Don’t take this personally because this was personal. I am guilty of all the things in my TO NOT DO LIST. There are plenty of fish in the sea, however, the sea is polluted and the fishes are dying. It’s time you take climate change seriously and do your bit in providing our future generations with a better world. To quote RuPaul – “Don’t eff it up “.

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